My Home Design

Am I wrong for remodeling my kitchen and not attending a friends destination wedding?

My friend had planned a destination wedding that I was supposed to attend. However, I lost my job, my parents and a few other family members in the last few months. She was well aware that I would not be attending. About a month ago, my husband decided to remodel our kitchen himself(we paid for no labor) my friend is now mad that I didn't use that money to attend her destination wedding. At which the whole kitchen cost me less than the trip would have. Am I wrong????

Public Comments

1. no you did the right thing. A person that has a destination wedding has to know that everybody cannot go to the wedding. enjoy your kitchen.
2. Well, if you explained all that to her and she still feels that way shes not much of a friend.
3. No. Tell her it's more affordable than her wedding! Also add that doing this is helping you cope with the sudden and extream life changes that have happend to you! Dont worry, youre not the problem.
4. i dont think so...its very difficult to attend those types of weddings, its asking a lot of people to pay money to go see them get married.... i guess thats just my opinion, id send a card though haha
5. No.....unless your friend was willing to make up the balance of the cost of wedding travel for you....... Not enough money for the trip is not enough money for the trip-even if you banked and didn't spend the cost of the materials to do your kitchen you still couldn't go..... Your friend didn't have to have a destination wedding...that was her choice...and when you do that you run the risk of people not going because of the cost involved, or deciding to invest what little they do have in their home , which will benefit their quality of life and not a plane fare or hotel room costs, which benefits no body's quality of life..just send a nice gift....
6. Of course you are not wrong! Your friend is wrong. She should be more sympathetic for the terrible few months you have had. She should not be adding to your misery by doing a guilt trip on you for not attending her wedding. She needs to realise that the world does not revolve around her and her wedding. Obviously you needed a new kitchen, a kitchen is a neccessity of life. Going to her destination wedding was one expensive day out of your life, the kitchen will last years. Dont stress over it. She is not a good friend for making you feel this way.
7. Of course not! In the old days if people wanted to run off and get married it was called eloping. People shouldn't expect everyone to run off with them. I'm tired of people having destination weddings and getting mad when people don't put other things in their own life on hold for the wedding.
8. No, you are not wrong, it was her choice to have the destination wedding, knowing full well that some people wouldn't be able to attend. Sometimes I think destination weddings are a bit selfish if they expect people to come regardless of cost. Besides, your kitchen will last you a lot longer and add value to your home. I would have done the same thing.
9. She is not much of a friend....don't worry about it for a minute...selfish wench!
10. Good for you for standing up for what you believe is more important, you and your husband. Your friend is being unreasonable and not very friend-like if she is more concerned with her wedding than she is with your feelings and finances. I would take a second look at this so-called friendship and be ready to sever the relationship. She has shown her true colors.
11. No, you're not wrong. No one should expect guests to attend their destination wedding. In my opinion, destination weddings can be a lot of fun but they are expensive and time consuming for the guests. It's too bad your friend doesn't understand that. My advice is not let this wreck your friendship. Even though you won't be at the wedding, consider giving your friend a thoughtful gift or a beautiful card in which you tell her that you value her friendship and wish her the best of luck with her new marriage. Hopefully, your friend will put aside her anger.
12. Of course not. 9 times out of 10 people do not attend destination weddings. The reason being money and work. Your family and home should take presidence, and a good friend would understand this. If she's that mad, I would have a quite sit down and explain that your kitchen got the much needed attention it has been waiting for, and unfortunitly you and your hubby couldn't afford to attend. If she still doesn't understand, then maybe she's got other issuses on her heart. Good luck to you and your friendship with her. And good luck in the kitchen remodeling.
13. Absolutely not! Your friend chose to we away ... your kitchen remodel will probably last longer than her nuptials!
14. first of all i am sorry for your loss of family members and secondly that you lost your job! its a hard time for sure. as for your friend being upset, she doesn't have the right to be upset about it, in fact, when choosing destination weddings people are choosing to leave their friends and family behind. brides and grooms need to consider the fact that a great many people simply can not afford the cost of airfare, hotels, eating out, on top of a wedding gift - not to mention trying to get time off work! so even if you had paid for labor for your kitchen, it is your home, your life, and none of her business what you do with your hard-earned cash. you are not wrong, in fact, i would even go so far as to say if it is all that important to her, she should pay your way! she should have thought this through a little more and had her wedding closer to home. meanwhile she owes you an apology for being so childish!
15. No you're not wrong. My sister had 22 people and paid for everyone's everything for 3 days. People who have destination weddings know and understand that everyone has a real life to consider first.
16. No, you aren't wrong. You need a remodeled kitchen, and the kitchen is going to last a lot longer than a vacation where you'll be stressing over how much money you are spending rather than enjoying the event for what it is... you friend's wedding. I think you made the right choice. If she continues to act the way she does, she isn't a real friend.
17. No,enjoy your new kitchen.Your friend is not much of a friend.
18. You are in the right.... Hopefully your friend will come to her/his senses.
19. what iin the world happened to your family, that is so sad. your friend of course wants you there, i get it, but she is the one who chose the far away wedding.
20. Well, you're not wrong for not wanting to spend alot of money going on a destination wedding. And, your not wrong with preferring to spend your hard earned money on things you need rather than on a vacation. But, it does seem unusual to be spending money remodeling a part of your home when your fiances are so tight. I mean if I lost my job, I wouldn't be remodeling any part of my home, unless I absolutely had to for some unusual reason (i.e. selling the house). So, I think this unusual behavior caught the attention of your friend and probably came off as looking like financially you appeared OK enough to be able to go. Sort of like a person who looses their job, then goes out and buys a fur coat, then complains to others about being broke. I know it's not a good analogy, but I think you get the drift.
21. Unless she is your dearest and closest friend, then no. She is being petty and she should be understanding of your grief and hardships. Actually, you did the right thing by bowing out of a joyous occasion during your mourning. Don't let it weigh on your conscience any longer.